WOOOOAH it's been forever since I've been on here. It's okay, everybody. I'm not dead.

(My family is watching some kind of action movie in the other room. There are men screaming:
"URRRRRRRRGH!"
"WE'RE GONNA DIE!"
"URRRRRRRRRRGH!"
"UUUUAAAAAAAGH!"
"HOLD ON!"
"AAAAAAAARGH!"
Imagine this happening on a toilet. It becomes funny.)

So, I've been struggling with college and life, but I'm not here to whine. I wish I was one of those people who could do all this college degree and full-time work business, but I'm not. I think the sooner I accept that, the better off I'll be.

I've started Draft 3 of Orphan Wars, and so far, it's been fantastic. I'm very happy with what I have. I've cut out a few characters and moved some things around to make it all more exciting. To help me, I've been imagining my notebook as a beefy-armed man who grabs readers by the fronts o' their shirts and screams in their faces.

It helps. It really does.

I can't tell you what to expect from me in the near future, but I haven't stopped being a creator. I don't think I can't be a creator. I've tried shutting it off, but it always comes back. So, I need to create a life where it can stay. A life where I can at least make ends meet by doing the things I love. I'll let you know what I come up with.

I haven't really done any work on Orphan Wars for about a month an a half now. I sorta lost my motivation to keep working, especially when I got the new Pokémon. But lately, I've been wanting to work on it again. I've started to think about it again and have ideas. This is a good sign.

In related news, I've decided to start a little writing group. We're going to start meeting on Wednesday nights at my house to read each others' stuff and discuss all sorts of things, not to mention watch movies or play games or just hang out. We'll be meeting this Wednesday (the 22nd of July) to sorta start things up. I'll try to have chips and soda to feed the many hungry. Although I'm scared to say this (I've never really started anything potentially big like this before), anybody is invited. Even if you don't think you're very good at writing, you can still come and have fun. And it doesn't have to be fiction or poetry, neither. You can bring your school essays, your love notes, anything. Note me if you need my address and more details. I hope to see some of you there!

Here's the truth:

As far as visual art goes, I don't think I'll ever be as talented or skilled as half the people on this site. You know the people I'm talking about. I'm sure you could all pick out five of them from your watch list.

So I'm not going to try to make great works of visual art. It's not worth it. Not even half of the great ones are making bank off their work, so what makes me think it would ever work for me?

No, instead, I need to turn my attention elsewhere. I watched Big Fish last night for the first time. Guys like Tim Burton and Neil Gaiman are a big inspiration to me. Danny Elfman, Johnny Depp, the guys behind Final Fantasy, Pixel (the guy who did Cave Story), people who have vision. People who can see something bigger and somehow bring it into reality. I have deep respect for these people and I would love to join them. Their creativity is astounding and beautiful. I keep hoping that if I watch enough of their movies or read some of their books, I'll pick up on some big secret.

I'm not sure if that will ever happen.

But what else can I do?

I've been making lots of progress on Orphan Wars. I've completely re-written chapter 1, and now I'm taking a look at it and seeing what I can change to make it even better. This process is going to be very slow, but I think it will be worth it in the end.

Some days I wonder if I'll ever be successful. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing something that other writers and published authors have, something that will keep people from ever taking me seriously. But if I just keep doing my best and growing in every way I can, I think I'll be fine.

Anyway, read what I wrote tonight. Tell me what you think!

Well, the 4,444th pageview has come and gone. And the winner is...

Me?



I guess I get to make something for myself now. Yay...